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Samuel: I have to wear a fake fuckin' ass over my ass!
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Sam: [to Hannah] Remember me? I tried robbing your house... and you caught me.
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Sam: And who am I speaking with?
Bernie Jr: This is Big Fat Bernie Gale Jr.
Sam: Oh hello, Little Big Fat.
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Bernie: I know that daughter I tried to set Veal Chop on a date with her.
Veal Chop: I tried to put my tongue in her mouth and she punched me in the penis.
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Sam: Sweet 'stache.
Frank: Thanks, bro.
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[Rehearsing what he's going to say to Hannah when she answers the door]
Sam: Would you like a Halls?
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Sam: He's in the Jewish Mafia. It's probably more like a club than an organization.
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M.C. Victor: From the floor to the ceiling, how ya feeling? From the bris to this, he can't miss. From the Wailing Wall to the reception hall, to all y'all. Put your hands together for Big Fat Bernie Gayle Junior.
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Veal Chop: Are you psyched to become a man?
Little Big Fat: I don't know.
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Hannah's dad: I once sold a woman a pair of exploding slacks.
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Eddie: Sam this man is in the mafia, he's not going to let us off the hook if we give him a fucking basket of sundry goods
SAm: Oh, but he's in the Jewish mafia, I'm sure that's more of like a club than a criminal organization
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Frank: (on the phone with Hannah) I'm wearing a mustache now. It's growin' in real good.
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Eddie: Hey! What's going on back there? (pats Samuel's ass)
Samuel: It's nothing.
Eddie: I could feel it, back there. (beat)
Samuel: If you had to deal with, like, half the shit I've been through this past year, you would strap on one of these fuckers. Just like me, you'd strap it on.
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Veal Chop: By the time I get home, flip on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, I'm looking at 36 thousand of his hard earned female deer
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Hannah: You may find this hard to believe, but I find your fake ass kind of silly.
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Veal Chop: [talking to Same and Eddie about Hannah] I tried to put my tongue in her mouth and she punched me in the penis.
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Description
For the first time on DVD, from comic filmmaker John Hamburg (Meet the Parents, Zoolander, Along Came Polly, Meet the Fockers) comes this offbeat tale of inept lounge singers Sam (Sam Rockwell, Matchstick Men) and Eddie (Steve Zahn, Out of Sight), who find themselves breaking into the burglary biz when they're mistaken by a low-level mobster (Paul Giamatti, Sideways) for the best safecrackers in town. Now two guys who can't carry a tune are carrying off a series of hysterical heists in this comic gem that critics hailed as "the most original comedy of the year" (Newsday).
Amazon.com
A great cast injects energy into Safe Men, an oddball cult comedy about two would-be musicians (Steve Zahn, Happy, Texas, and Sam Rockwell, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) who get mistaken for master safecrackers by a second banana gangster (Paul Giamatti, Sideways). The plot revolves around the hapless pair being forced into a series of robberies, but really it's just an excuse for amusing scenes of men clumsily grappling with their emotions, struggling to express themselves, accepting loss, fighting to command respect, and much more. Writer/director John Hamburg went on to write the screenplays for Zoolander, Meet the Parents, and Along Came Polly, but Safe Men is both sweeter and subtler than those box office hits. Mark Ruffalo (You Can Count on Me), Michael Lerner (Barton Fink), Harvey Fierstein (Torch Song Trilogy), and Peter Dinklage (The Station Agent) round out the excellent cast, accompanied by Christina Kirk in her movie debut; she more than holds her own as a woman who's far more emotionally direct than any of the men around her. --Bret Fetzer
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