Linus: [Yen's cast is caught in vault door, Unaware that Yen is trapped, Danny and Linus try to blow the door but the bomb doesnt go off] Did you check the batteries?
[pause]
Linus: You know, you lose focus in this game for one second...
Danny: I know, somebody gets hurt. You don't hear Yen complaining.
[they replace the batteries and the door explodes]
|
Saul: [watching Danny, Linus, and Yen load the money from the vault] That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen!
|
Shane West: Mr Ocean, what do you do? If you don't mind me asking.
Danny: I don't mind you asking, I just got out of prison. I'll take two.
Joshua Jackson: Why were you in prison?
Danny: I stole stuff.
Shane West: You stole stuff? Like jewels?
Rusty: Incan matrimonial headmasks.
Shane West: Is there a lot of money in that? Incan matrimonial
Danny: Headmasks. There's some.
Rusty: Don't let him fool you, there's boatloads. If you can move them. But you can't. I'll take two.
Danny: My fence seemed confident enough.
Rusty: Dealing in cash you don't need a fence.
Danny: Some people lack vision.
Rusty: Probably everybody on cell block E
|
Danny: Why do they always paint hallways that color?
Rusty: They say taupe is very soothing.
|
Saul: Tess is with Benedict now? She's too tall for him!
|
Reuben: You guys are pros. The best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!
|
Danny: Livingston, we're set.
Rusty: Livingston, we're set.
Livingston: Basher, we're set.
Basher: Hang on a minute chief.
Livingston: We don't have a minute, Yen's gonna suffocate.
Basher: Then you'd better leave off bothering me, don't you think?
|
Basher: That poxy demo crew haven't used a coaxial feed to batten the main line, have they? Instead they've gone and nosed up the backup grid, nosed it right up!
Reuben: [to Livingston] Do you understand any of this?
Livingston: I'll explain later.
|
Danny: We'll need Saul.
Rusty: He won't do it. He got out of the game a year ago.
Danny: Get religion?
Rusty: Ulcers.
Danny: ...You could ask him.
Rusty: Hey, I could ask him.
|
[in a safe heist]
Basher: All right chaps. Hang on to your knickers.
[He triggers the bomb, and the safe door cracks open. Laughing, Basher dances into the vault - and the alarm goes off]
Basher: Oh leave it out! You tossers! You had one job to do!
|
Danny: All right.
[Bruiser punches Danny]
Danny: Ahh! Jesus, Bruiser, not until later!
Bruiser: Sorry Danny, I forgot.
Danny: It's all right.
|
Shane West: Hit me.
Rusty: It's not blackjack.
|
[Shaking Billy Tim Denham's hand]
Frank: You have lovely hands. Do you moisturize?
Billy Tim Denham: I'm Sorry?
Frank: You know, I've tried all sorts of moisturizers. I even went fragrance free for a whole year. Now my sister, she uses some kind of uh... uh... uh... uh... aloe vera with a little sunscreen in it, and ideally, we should all wear gloves when going to bed, but I found out that that creates a kind of an interference with my... social agenda, you know what I mean.
|
Danny: I'm not sure what four nines does, but the ace, I think, is pretty high.
|
[teaching poker to young Hollywood actors]
Rusty: Shane, you've got three pairs. You can't have six cards! You can't have six cards in a five-card game!
|
Reuben: What? Did you guys get a group rate or something?
|
Rusty: God, I'm bored!
Danny: You look bored.
Rusty: I am bored!
[long pause]
Rusty: How was the clink? You get the cookies I sent?
Danny: Why do you think I came to see you first?
|
[first lines]
[At Parole Hearing]
Woman's Voice: Good Morning.
Danny: Morning.
Woman's Voice: Please state your name for the record.
Danny: Daniel Ocean.
|
Basher: See, when a nuclear weapon detonates it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases because a nuclear weapon usually destroys everything you might need power for anyway. A pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you'd be getting the seventeenth century.
|
[while they are watching a dozen Chinese acrobats at a circus]
Danny: Which one is the amazing Yen?
Rusty: He's the little Chinese guy.
|
Danny: There's a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door.
Linus: Let's get him out.
|
Danny: Thirteen million and you drive this piece of shit cross country to pick me up?
Rusty: Blew it all on the suit.
|
Tess: Do you remember what I said when we met?
Danny: You said I'd better know what I'm doing.
Tess: And do you? Because you should walk out that door if you don't.
Danny: I know what I'm doing.
Terry: What are you doing?
|
[his only line in English]
Yen: Where the fuck you been?
|
Rusty: Why do this?
Danny: Why not do it?
[Rusty shakes his head]
Danny: Cause yesterday I walked out of the joint after losing four years of my life and you're cold-decking "Teen Beat" cover boys.
[pause]
Danny: Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet and you bet big, then you take the house.
[another pause]
Rusty: Been practicing this speech, haven't you?
Danny: Little bit. Did I rush it? Felt I rushed it.
Rusty: No, it was good, I liked it. The "Teen Beat" thing was harsh.
|
Terry: All right. Now I have complied with your every request, would you agree?
Rusty: I would.
Terry: Good, 'cause now I have one of my own. Run and hide, asshole. Run and hide. If you should be picked up next week buying a hundred-thousand dollar sports car in Newport Beach, I am going to be supremely disappointed. Because I want my people to find you, and when they do, rest assured we are not going to hand you over to the police. So my advice to you again is this: run and hide. That is all that I ask.
|
Tess: You of all people should know Terry, in your hotel, there's always someone watching.
|
[as Tess walks down the stairs]
Linus: This is the best part of my day.
|
[teaching poker to young actors]
Rusty: Barry, your turn.
Barry Watson: Uh... four.
Rusty: You don't want four. You want to fold.
Barry Watson: I do? Is that a good thing?
|
[Yen does the real somersault]
Frank: Ten says he shorts it.
Livingston: No bet.
|
Basher: So unless we intend to do this job in Reno, we're in barney.
[everyone pauses]
Basher: Barney Rubble.
[they look bewildered]
Basher: Trouble!
|
[On the phone]
Terry: Who the hell is this?
Rusty: The man who's robbing you!
|
Danny: Saul, are you sure you're ready to do this?
Saul: If you ever ask me that question again Daniel, you will not wake up the following morning.
Danny: He's ready.
|
Linus: Smash and grab job, huh?
Rusty: Slightly more complicated than that.
Linus: Well, yeah.
|
Basher: Window or aisle, boys? Yeah, we're in deep shit!
|
Basher: It will be nice working with proper villains again!
|
Saul: I have a question, say we get into the cage, and through the security doors there and down the elevator we can't move, and past the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can't open...
Rusty: Without being seen by the cameras.
Danny: Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that.
Saul: Yeah well, say we do all that... uh... we're just supposed to walk out of there with $150,000,000 in cash on us, without getting stopped?
[pause as everyone turns to look at Danny]
Danny: Yeah.
Saul: Oh. Okay.
|
Rusty: Did someone call for a doctor?
|
[discussing possible candidates for their crew]
Danny: Phil Turenteen...
Rusty: Dead.
Danny: No shit. On the job?
Rusty: Skin cancer.
Danny: D'you send flowers?
Rusty: Dated his wife for a while.
|
Danny: I'm not joking, Tess.
Tess: I'm not laughing, Danny.
|
Linus: The last guy they caught cheating in here? Benedict not only sent him up for 10 years, he had the bank seize his house and then he bankrupted...
Rusty, Linus: -his brother-in-law's tractor dealership.
Rusty: Yeah, I heard.
|
[the rest of the crew get out of the van, leaving Linus in the back with Turk and Virgil in the front]
Linus: Don' leave me alone with these guys!
[they shut the doors on him]
|
Turk Malloy: I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French.
|
Virgil Malloy: Are you a man?
Turk Malloy: Yes, nineteen.
Virgil Malloy: Are you alive?
Turk Malloy: Yes, eighteen.
Virgil Malloy: Evel Knievel.
Turk Malloy: ...shit.
|
Reuben: You're Bobby Caldwell's kid. From Chicago. It's nice there, do you like it?
Linus: Yeah.
Reuben: That's wonderful. Get in the goddamn house.
|
Rusty: You'd need at least a dozen guys doing a combination of cons.
Danny: Like what, do you think?
Rusty: Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever!
|
Rusty: Tell me this is not about her, or I am walking. I am walking off this job right now.
Danny: Who?
Rusty: Tess. Terry Benedict. Tell me this is not about screwing the guy who's screwing your wife.
Danny: Ex-wife.
Rusty: Tell me.
Danny: It's not about that.
[pause]
Danny: It's not entirely about that.
[Rusty turns away, furious]
Danny: Russ, do you remember what we said back when we first got into this business. We said we were gonna play the game...
Danny, Rusty: Like we had nothing to lose.
Danny: Well, I lost something... I lost someone. That's why I'm here.
[long pause]
Rusty: Okay, here's the problem ? we're stealing two things. And when push comes to shove, and you can't have both, which are you gonna choose? And remember - Tess does not split eleven ways!
|
Rusty: Tell me this is not about her, or I am walking. I am walking off this job right now.
Danny: Who?
Rusty: Tess. Terry Benedict. Tell me this is not about screwing the guy who's screwing your wife.
Danny: Ex wife. It's not about that.
[pause]
Danny: Not entirely about that.
Rusty: Okay, here's the problem. Now we're stealing 2 things. And when push comes to shove, and you can't have both, which are you gonna choose, huh? And remember: Tess does not split 11 ways!
|
Tess: You're thirty seconds late, I was going to send out a search-
[looks up and sees Danny]
|
Reuben: I know more about casino security than any man alive, I invented it, and it cannot be beaten. They got cameras, they got locks, they got watchers, they got timers, they got vaults, they got enough armed personnel to occupy Paris!
[pause]
Reuben: Okay, bad example.
|
Danny: It's never been tried.
Reuben: Ho, ho..."It's never been tried." It's been tried. A few guys even came close. You know the three most successful robberies in the history of Vegas?
[flashback - the gaming room at the Horseshow, in black-and-white]
Reuben: [voiceover] Number three, the Bronze Medal - pencil-neck grabs a lockbox at the Horseshoe...
[a man grabs a lockbox out of a guard's hand and runs for the door, and six guards instantly tackle him to the floor]
Reuben: He got two steps closer to the door than any living soul before him.
[cut to the present]
Reuben: Second most successful robbery...
[flashback - the gaming room at the Flamingo, in grainy color. A long-haired man is running for the door, clutching a bag]
Reuben: The Flamingo in '71. This guy actually tasted fresh oxygen before they grabbed him.
[the man gets within a few feet of the door, before a guard smashes him across the face with a nightstick]
Reuben: Of course, he was breathing out of a hose for the next three weeks. Goddamn hippy.
[back to the present]
Reuben: And the *closest* any man has ever come to robbing a Las Vegas casino...
[flashback - outside Caesar's Palace, in color. A man runs out, hunched over an armful of cash, followed by three security guards]
Reuben: Was outside of Caesar's in '87. He came, he grabbed...
[the three guards shoot the thief in the back]
Reuben: They conquered.
|
Terry: All right, you proved your point. You broke into my vault. Congratulations, you're a dead man.
|
Rusty: Saul, turn that off, will you?
Saul: [in fake accent] I'll turn it off when I'm ready to...
Rusty: Saul!
Saul: [normal voice] It's off, it's off!
|
[last minute tips for Linus]
Rusty: You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any circumstances...
Livingston: Rus?
Rusty: Yeah?
Livingston: Come look at this?
Rusty: Sure.
|
Danny: How's your wife?
Bruiser: Pregnant again.
Danny: Well, that happens.
|
Danny: Tess, you're doing a great job curating the museum, the Vermeer is quite good, simple, vibrant, but his work definitely fell off as he got older.
Tess: Remind you of anyone?
Danny: And I always confuse Monet and Manet. Now which one married his mistress?
Tess: Monet.
Danny: Right, and then Manet had syphilis.
Tess: They also painted occasionally.
|
Bartender: [over the noise in the background] How's the game going?
Rusty: Longest hour of my life.
Bartender: [not hearing him] What?
Rusty: I'm running away with your wife.
Bartender: Great!
[He grins and flashes Rusty a thumbs-up]
|
Danny: [holds up a black wallet] Hello Linus. Whose is this?
Linus: Who are you?
Danny: A friend of Bobby Caldwell's.
[produces a plane ticket]
Danny: You're either in or you're out. Right now.
Linus: What is it?
Danny: It's a plane ticket. A job offer.
Linus: You're pretty trusting pretty fast.
Danny: Well Bobby has a lot of faith in you.
Linus: Fathers are like that.
|
Danny: Ten oughta do it, don't you think? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more.
|
Topher Grace: Hey Rus, let me ask you a question. Are you incorporated? Well, if not you should really think about it cos I was talking to my manager...
Rusty: Bernie?
Topher Grace: No, not Bernie, my business manager. You know what? They're both named Bernie. Anyway, he was saying that because what we do here is kind of like research for a future like gig or whatever I can totally make it a tax write off. The only thing is I'd have to pay you by check.
[Rusty stops and looks at him]
Topher Grace: Or we could stick to cash
[Rusty nods]
Topher Grace: You know what? Yeah, let's just stick to cash.
|
Danny: Does he make you laugh?
Tess: He doesn't make me cry.
|
Parole Board Member #1: Mr Ocean, the purpose of this hearing is to determine, whether, if released, you are likely to break the law again. While this was your first conviction, you have been implicated, though never charged, in over a dozen other confidence tricks and frauds. What can you tell us about those?
Danny: As you say, ma'am, I was never charged.
Parole Board Member #2: Mr Ocean, what we're trying to find out is was there a reason you chose to commit this crime, or was there a reason you simply got caught this time.
Danny: My wife left me. I was upset. I fell into a self-destructive pattern.
Parole Board Member #3: If released, is it likely you'd fall back into a similar pattern?
Danny: She already left me once. I don't think she'd do it again just for kicks.
|
Rusty: Saul, you're the best there is. What do you want?
Saul: Nothing. I've got a duplex now, wall-to-wall, goldfish. I'm seeing a nice lady who works the "Unmentionables" counter at Macy's. I've changed.
Rusty: Guys like us don't change, Saul. We either stay sharp or we get sloppy, we don't change.
|
Rusty: The Bellagio and the Mirage. These are Terry Benedict's places.
Danny: Yes they are. You think he'll mind?
Rusty: More than somewhat.
|
Danny: Second task, power - on the night of the fight, we're gonna throw the switch on Sin City. Basher, it's your show.
Basher: You want broke, blind, or bedlam?
Danny: How about all three?
Basher: Right, it's done.
|
Turk Malloy: Watch it, bud.
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling bud, pal?
Turk Malloy: Who you calling pal, friend?
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling friend, jackass?
Turk Malloy: Don't call me a jackass.
Virgil Malloy: I just did call you a jackass.
|
[last lines]
[Danny has just got out of jail]
Danny: Hi!
Tess: Hi. We need to get Rusty a girl.
Rusty: There's a women's prison down the road.
Danny: [noticing Tess is wearing her wedding ring] You said that you sold this.
Tess: I said that.
Danny: Liar.
Tess: Thief.
[they kiss]
|
Danny: You remember the day I went out for cigarettes and didn't come back? You must have noticed!
[goes to sit down]
Tess: I don't smoke. Don't sit!
|
Basher: Where we at boys?
Livingston: Pins and floor sensors now.
Basher: Blinder.
|
Topher Grace: Fellas! Fellas! Check this... all... reds!
|
Tess: You're a thief and a liar.
Danny: I only lied about being a thief, I don't do that anymore.
Tess: Steal?
Danny: Lie.
Tess: I'm with someone who doesn't have to make that kind of distinction.
Danny: No, he's very clear on both.
|
Reuben: Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.
Danny: That was our pleasure.
Rusty: I'd never been to Belize.
|
Rusty: [on Danny walking out of prison in a loosened black-tie suit] I hope you were the Groom.
Danny: [on Rusty's attire for picking him up from prison] Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back.
|
Reuben: If you're gonna steal from Terry Benedict, you'd better goddamn KNOW. This sorta thing used to be civilized, you'd hit a guy, he'd whack you, done. But with Benedict... at the end of this, he'd BETTER not know you're involved, not know your names or think you're dead because he'll kill ya, and then he'll go to work on ya.
Danny: That's why we're going to be very careful. Very precise
Rusty: Yeah, well-funded.
Reuben: Yeah. Ya gotta be NUTS, too. And you're gonna need a crew as NUTS as you are!
[pause]
Reuben: So who've you got in mind?
|
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.
|
[Yen practices the vault somersault]
Turk Malloy: Ten says he shorts it.
Frank, Livingston, Saul: Twenty!
|
[pretending the Nevada Gaming Commission is racist]
Frank: They might as well call it whitejack!
|
Rusty: What's with the orange?
Saul: My doctor says I need vitamins.
Rusty: So why don't you take vitamins?
Saul: You come here to give me a physical?
|
Tess: Danny was walking through the restaurant when he spotted me.
Terry: Is that right?
Danny: Yeah, imagine the odds.
Terry: Of all the gin joints in all the world.
|
Livingston: The moment you set foot on that casino floor, they'll be watching you like hawks. Hawks with video cameras.
|
Danny: You gotta walk before you crawl.
Rusty: Reverse that.
|
Linus: Apparently, he's got a record longer than my... well, it's long.
|
Terry: Well, then inform Mr. Levin that he'll be better off watching the fight in front of his television at home... Surely *he* must have HBO.
|
Rusty: Where are they?
Saul: They will be here.
Rusty: [mimicking Saul's voice] They will be here.
|
[Basher's original plan for knocking out the casino's power has flopped]
Basher: Hang on a minute, hang on... we could use a pinch.
Danny: What's a "pinch"?
Basher: A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb - now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you'd be getting the seventeenth century.
|
Parole Board Member #1: Good morning.
Danny: Morning.
Parole Board Member #1: Please state your name for the record.
Danny: Daniel Ocean.
Parole Board Member #1: Thank you. Mr. Ocean, the purpose of this hearing is to determine whether, if released, you are likely to break the law again.
|
Reuben: Where are they? That's what I want to know; where the hell are they?
Saul: They will be here.
Reuben: [mimicking Saul's voice] They will be here. Schmuck.
|
Rusty: 'Wonder what Rueben'll say.
Reuben: [Cut to Rueben] YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR GODDAMN MINDS!
|
[while reconnoitering the casinos]
Virgil Malloy: [makes a note] Leaving at 2: 44.
Turk Malloy: 2: 46, get a watch that works.
|
[describing Terry Benedict]
Reuben: He'll kill you, then he'll go to work on you.
|
[sitting in a surveillance van with two FBI agents]
FBI Man #2: Let's see if we can zoom in on that guy...
FBI Man #1: Yeah.
[he reaches for the camera controls]
Livingston: Don't - don't - d-don't... Don't touch that.
FBI Man #1: Why not?
Livingston: Uh, do you see me grabbing the gun out of your holster and just waving it around?
|
Tess: You know what your problem is?
Danny: I only have one?
|
Danny: Now, they tell me I paid my debt to society.
Tess: Funny, I never got a check.
|
[watching Linus trapped on the upper floor by security guards]
Virgil Malloy: Shouldn't someone help him?
Basher: Oh, that's a good idea, Rabbit. Let's hop out of the van and we can all get nicked!
|
Terry: I know everything that's happening in my hotels.
Danny: So I should put the towels back?
Terry: No, the towels you can keep.
|
[masquerading as an A.T.F. agent, Rusty shoves Basher against a police car, pretending to search him]
Rusty: [under his breath] Hey, Bash.
Basher: Hey, Russ.
Rusty: How fast can you put something together from what I just slipped you?
Basher: It's done.
[Rusty lifts up Basher, and they slowly leave the crime scene]
Basher: Hey, is Danny about?
Rusty: Yeah, he's waiting around the corner.
Basher: Oh, that's terrific! It will be nice working with proper villains again.
Rusty: [turns and shouts] Everybody down, now!
[they break into a run as explosions rock the crime scene]
Basher: Ha-ha-ha! They weren't expecting that shit!
Rusty: Nice work.
Basher: Oh, thank you.
|