Mrs. Birdie Hicks: [after getting the Kettles evicted] Good day.
Ma Kettle: [grabs Birdie] Listen here Birdie, it may be a good day for you, but it ain't for Pa. All the poor man wanted was a new tobacco pouch and instead he won a house he didn't want and he got a bad sunburn.
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Ma Kettle: [about Pa's underwear] It's the latest thing, Billy Reed said they'd fit perfectly.
Pa Kettle: They probably would if he were in them with me!
Ma Kettle: [laughs] Well, we'll just pin them up for right now, they'll shrink once I wash them.
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Tom Kettle: Theories are nice, Ma, but not when they break up families and threaten lives.
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Ma Kettle: Now hang on there, Billy.
Danny Kettle: I'm Danny!
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Ma Kettle: Nancy... Nancy hold still!
Susie Kettle: I'm Susie, Ma.
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Ma Kettle: [she and Pa are watching themselves on the news, and they're showing more children than just their 15] Turn that thing off before our family gets any bigger!
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Susie Kettle: [all the kids announce themselves] Nancy... no, I'm Susie.
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