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Scrap Iron: Boy you just ate some shit!
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Leon Phelps: My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society... bus station skank.
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Leon Phelps: Well, listen baby. My car, uh, doesn't exist, so...
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[Leon is answering a call]
Leon Phelps: Yeah, well, you suffer from homo-unerectus. That means your wang is hugeified not by women but by a man.
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Leon Phelps: Ya know, when a man works hard his entire life enduring hundreds of ladies, many of whom he does not even remember you'd like to think that at the end of the day he will be given a lot of money, without having had to earn it.
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Leon Phelps: So... you... don't want a fish sandwich?
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Lance DeLune: [after blowing up Leon's house boat] Wow, we really didn't think that through.
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Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed "dabut" under your hobbies?
Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's "da butt."
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Leon Phelps: How long have you been uhh nunnin' it up?
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Leon Phelps: But guys you can not blame the wang.
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Leon Phelps: What is love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamonds? Does not the wind love the dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do not question your love. Take your lover by the hand. Release the power within yourself. Your heard me, release the power. Tame the wild cosmos with a whisper. Conquer heaven with one intimate caress. That's right don't be shy. Whip out everything you got and do it in the butt. By Leon Phelps
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Amazon.com
Over the years, Tim Meadows has proven himself to be a very funny supporting player on Saturday Night Live, but he never really had a breakout character that he and Lorne Micheals could spin off into a movie--until now. Based on his lisping "Ladies Man" character, Meadows plays Leon Phelps, a late-night sex advice host of a radio show who gets fired for racking up one too many FCC fines. His producer (Karyn Parsons) gets fired with him, and she combs the Chicago stations looking for another gig while he tries to find the one old flame who would be willing to support him for the rest of his life. You see, Phelps is a sexaholic who tends to sleep with frustrated wives, much to the chagrin of the husbands who inevitably catch them in bed together. A mob of husbands have formed a group, under the leadership of Will Ferrell (playing a tired stereotype of the closeted homosexual), dedicated to hunting down Phelps and killing him. The embodiment of the '70s swinger, Phelps personifies both the good (sexual skills) and the bad (the wardrobe and fashion sense) of that icon, though the movie ends with your standard pro-family propaganda when he inevitably finds love and stability with his producer. The laughs do not come fast and furiously, sidetracked as they are by the so-called plot, but one thing must be said and said out loud: Billy Dee Williams is fantastic as the bartender-narrator. --Andy Spletzer
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