Movie  1989
 The Fabulous Baker Boys      Back      Home
Jack Baker: You let that guy turn us into clowns tonight. We were always small time, but we were never clowns.
Jack Baker: What's happened to you? Have you been kissing ass so long, you're starting to like it?
Frank Baker: Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?
Jack Baker: '78, November.
Frank Baker: Right, it was someone's birthday... Halloran?
Jack Baker: He had a daughter, sweet sixteen.
Frank Baker: Oh Christ! How could I forget? What a nightmare!
Jack Baker: She asked for it!
Frank Baker: I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, and he said, "What my Sissy wants..."
Jack Baker: "My Sissy gets!"
Jack Baker: [Leering] She got it, all right!
Jack Baker: There's always another girl.
Susie Diamond: So, did you find another girl?
Jack Baker: I didn't look.
Jack Baker: Listen to me, princess. We fucked twice. That's it. Once the sweat dries, you still don't know shit about me. Got it?
Susie Diamond: I know one thing. While Frank Baker was home putting his kids to sleep last night, little brother Jack was out dusting off his dreams for a few minutes. I was there. I saw it in your face. You're full of shit. You're a fake. Every time you walk into some shitty daiquiri hut, you're selling yourself on the cheap. Hey, I know all about that. I'd find myself at the end of the night with some creep and tell myself it didn't matter. And you kid yourself that you've got this empty place inside where you can put it all. But you do it long enough and all you are is empty.
Jack Baker: I didn't know whores were so philosophical.
Susie Diamond: At least my brother's not my pimp. You know, I had you pegged for a loser the first time I saw you, but I was wrong. You're worse. You're a coward.
Susie Diamond: You don't give a fuck, do you, about anything?
Frank Baker: Okay, let's hear it. We trashed the Avedon, the Luau Lounge - what's our beef with 'Feelings'?
Susie Diamond: Nothing... except who cares? I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.
Frank Baker: 'Feelings' is not parsley!
Susie Diamond: Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.
Frank Baker: Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.
Susie Diamond: Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.
Frank Baker: You passed over 'Feelings'?
Susie Diamond: Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.
Frank Baker: Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.
Susie Diamond: Hey! I ain't no mouse.
Frank Baker: That's right - you're parsley.
Jack Baker: Who I fuck and who I don't fuck is none of your fucking business!
Susie Diamond: Oh no, not the goddamn Luau Lounge again!
Frank Baker: What's the matter with the Luau Lounge? They don't salt their peanuts?
Susie Diamond: Singing 'Feelings' knee-deep in paper orchids and plastic tiki lamps is not exactly my idea of a fun evening.
Frank Baker: Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid, remember!
Susie Diamond: Listen, you're not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you're not going to start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I'm some sort of princess when I burp?
Susie Diamond: Listen, I didn't expect you to rush out and buy me a corsage this morning, you know. Your high school ring is safe.
Jack Baker: Would you stop that please.
Nina: [while loudly playing with her paddle ball] You want me to make some coffee? How 'bout some eggs? I can make you some eggs, if you want.
Jack Baker: Knock it off with that fucking thing... driving me nuts! Jack you want eggs, Jack you want coffee. You're not my housekeeper, I'm not your fucking father. I can't babysit you every time your mama gets an itch!
Susie Diamond: You're good, aren't you?
Jack Baker: I can carry a tune.
Susie Diamond: You're better than that.
Jack Baker: Frank, if somebody requested "Chopsticks," you'd ask for the sheet music.
Jack Baker: What do you want from me? You want me to tell you to stay, hmm? Is that what you're looking for? You want me to get down on my knees and beg you to save the Baker Boys from doom? Forget it, sweetheart. We survived for 15 years before you strutted onto the scene. Fifteen years. Two seconds, you're bawling like a baby. You shouldn't be wearing a dress; you should be wearing a diaper.
Susie Diamond: So, make any resolutions?
Jack Baker: No, you?
Susie Diamond: Nah, I figure all that stuff's a bunch of crap, anyway. You do what you do, right?
Jack Baker: You look good.
Susie Diamond: You look like shit.
Jack Baker: No, I mean it. You look good.
Susie Diamond: I mean it, too. You look like shit.
Frank Baker: I'm sorry. I'm a bit wound up.
Jack Baker: Frank, you're a fucking alarm clock.
Frank Baker: [as she auditions 'The Candyman'] Thank you, Miss Moran, that's enough. Miss Moran... Miss Moran!
[shouts]
Frank Baker: Blanche!
Blanche 'Monica' Moran: Sorry! I get so caught up in it sometimes, it's scary.
Frank Baker: Yes, it is.
Description
Jack and Frank Baker are stuck in a rut. Playing the same tired tunes night after night, the brothers are in desperate need of change. So when they meet a sultry songbird named Susie Diamond, their future starts to sparkle. But when life in the limelight brings old rivalries to the surface as Jack and SusieÂ's relationship heats up, the Baker boys soon find their act Â- and their lives Â- growing more entertaining than either of them may be able to handle!

Amazon.com essential video
An inspired casting gimmick, a wonderful mood, a grown-up love story--all this in The Fabulous Baker Boys, but the only thing anybody ever talks about is Michelle Pfeiffer on top of a piano. Granted, it's a showstopper: clad in a slinky dress, Pfeiffer rolls around on the Steinway while she purrs out a languid version of "Makin' Whoopee." Adding to the seductive vibe is the fact that she's not singing to the audience, but to the sullen piano player (Jeff Bridges) whose fancy she has captured. Bridges and his real-life brother, Beau, play two lounge entertainers whose act has grown stale; they're not above doing "Feelings" for the tourist crowd. They've hired songbird Pfeiffer (who does her own sexy singing) to spice up the routine, a strategy that pays off in spades. The three actors are terrific, with the fabulous Bridges boys playing neatly off their own sibling rhythms. Writer-director Steve Kloves captures the feel of second-rate Seattle clubs, and Dave Grusin's jazzy score keeps propelling the film forward. The story itself might have come from a 1940s romance, yet Kloves and his actors keep it unusually modern and thoughtful. And then there's Michelle Pfeiffer rolling around on top of a piano.... --Robert Horton

Twentieth Century Fox
Jack and Frank Baker are stuck in a rut. Playing the same tired tunes night after night, the brothers are in desperate need of change. So when they meet a sultry songbird named Susie Diamond, their future starts to sparkle. But when life in the limelight brings old rivalries to the surface as Jack and Susie's relationship heats up, the Baker boys soon find their act - and their lives - growing more entertaining than either of them may be able to handle!