Dr. Eve Archer: Happy Birthday, Mikey. He took our baby, Sean. He took our little boy.
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Castor Troy: You watch your FUCKING mouth!
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[a faceless Castor Troy confronts Dr. Walsh after waking from a coma] Dr. Malcolm Walsh: What do you want? Castor Troy: Take one goddamn guess.
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Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa's got a brand new bag.
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Castor Troy: Wheee. What a predicament.
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Castor Troy: Interception! Now our side's got the ball. Sorry!
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Castor Troy: I'm ready, ready for the big ride baby!
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Castor Troy: I'm about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell"-A. deserves.
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Dietrich: No more drugs for that man.
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Castor Troy: I hate to see you go, but I LOVE to watch you leave.
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Burke Hicks: Don't you remember the little people?
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Castor Troy: I AM Castor Troy!
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Castor Troy: Well, I've gotta go. I've got a government job to abuse, and a lonely wife to fuck.
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Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] Sasha, baby, I'm Castor. That's Archer. Sasha Hassler: And I'm bored.
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Sean Archer: The man you think is your husband is not your husband.
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Castor Troy: [holding his gun at Archer] Wow. We have something in common. We both know our guns.
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Pollux Troy: Seeing that face on you makes me afraid my tiramisu might come back up. Castor Troy: Well, think about me. This nose. This hair. This ridiculous chin.
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Sean Archer: Any word from the LAPD intelligence? If there IS such a thing? Loomis: Not yet, sir. Sean Archer: Of course not, because we're a covert anti-terrorist team that is so secret, that when we snap our fingers NOTHING HAPPENS!
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Sean Archer: I am your father!
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[after waking from his coma and watching a video of his surgery] Castor Troy: Hello, Doctor. I hope you don't mind: I took a few of your groovy painkillers. I'm just enjoying some of your greatest hits here. Oh God, this is excellent. Oh, bravo. Bra-fucking-vo.
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Sean Archer: I want to take his face... off. Eyes, nose, skin, teeth. It's coming off.
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Castor Troy: Isn't this religious, ah yes. The eternal battle between good and evil, saint and sinners... but you are still not having fun.
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Castor Troy: I torched *all* the evidence that proves you're you. So, like, WOW! Looks like you're gonna be in here for... [looks at his watch] Castor Troy: [in a childish na-na tone] THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS!
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Castor Troy: Ohhhhhhhhweeee, you good-lookin.
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Jamie Archer: Please tell me what planet I'm on!
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Dietrich: God damn. My place is getting FUCKED up. Castor Troy: Ha HA HA HA HA Ha!
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Walton: You are now the property of Erewhon Prison. A citizen of nowhere. The Geneva Convention is void here; Amnesty International doesn't know we exist. When I say your ass belongs to me, I mean exactly that.
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Sean Archer: When we put this thing away, you can brand the fourth amendment on my butt.
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Castor Troy: If I were to send you flowers where would I... no, let me rephrase that. If I were to let you suck my tongue, would you be grateful?
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Castor Troy: No daughter of mine would shoot so wide.
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Castor Troy: When all else fails - fresh tactics!
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Castor Troy: Hello? This is Sean Archer. Sean Archer: Well, if you are Sean Archer, then I must be Castor Troy.
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[Tito, Sean Archer's best friend was killed by Castor Troy] Buzz: Listen, sir... we just want you to know... Wanda: We're all really sorry about Tito. Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] Yeah, well, shit happens.
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Sean Archer: I'm not afraid to die.
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Jamie Archer: Dad, I'm sorry I shot you.
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Castor Troy: [after saving Archers daughter from help boyfriend raping her] Do you have protection? Jamie Archer: Protection? You mean like condoms? Castor Troy: [pulls out his switchblade] No. Protection. Next time, let Carl drop his pants, slip this in his thigh, turn it. That way the wound won't close...
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Dietrich: You look like you just fucked your mother.
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Castor Troy: You're not having anymore fun, are you Sean?
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Castor Troy: Well, you're gonna have to shoot me, 'cause I don't really give a fuck!
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Dietrich: Hey Sean, how's your dead son?
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[Sean Archer and Castor Troy, each wearing the other's face, meet] Castor Troy: It's like looking in a mirror. Only... not.
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Castor Troy: You are right, Sean. I misbehaved. I have to be punished. But remember... Every time when you look in the mirror, you'll see my face.
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Castor Troy: You're not the only one in the family with the brains. Pollux Troy: No, although now I am the only one with the looks. Castor Troy: Touche.
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Castor Troy: Lies, deceit, mixed messages... this is turning into a real marriage.
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Castor Troy: If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants.
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Castor Troy: I don't know what I hate wearing worse: your face or your body. I mean I certainly do enjoy boning your wife, but let's face it, we both like it better the other way, yes? So why don't we trade back. Sean Archer: You can't give back what you've taken from me. Castor Troy: OK, then... plan B, why don't we just kill each other?
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Castor Troy: Sasha, what the *fuck*... are you doing here?
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Castor Troy: Y'know, I could eat a peach for hours.
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