Caleb Peterson: What if he tries to grab me?
Kyle: We're not pirates. We just dress like them... and chase bootie. He'll be just as nervous as you so try not to punch him if he makes a move on you or anything...
Caleb Peterson: I don't think I'd punch him. I think I'd probably just start crying or something.
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Jamie Peterson: Love you, gay bro.
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Caleb Peterson: Now I really wish I was a fag.
Kyle: You and Ricky Martin both.
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[as the boys leave for their date, Gwen decides Caleb can be had]
Marc: Goodbye, Gwen.
Caleb: Bye, Gwen.
Gwen: Bye...
[the door closes]
Gwen: ...sexual.
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Gwen: Joey! Just remember, every time you suck a dick! Every time you poke some boy in the brown eye! Remember, you've eaten pussy. You ate pussy and you liked it!
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Caleb: What the hell are you making?
Kyle: Sausages. Big. Fat. Sausages.
Caleb: Dude, people don't eat sausages. You're supposed to make like spaghetti or some shit.
Kyle: Fine. You wanna cook?
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[Tiffani stands in the doorway]
Tiffani: I hear you have phone trouble, Miss Thing.
Kyle: That's Mister Miss Thing to you.
Caleb Peterson: Tiffani?
Tiffani: You little hose huffer!
Frank Peterson: Would you care to join us?
Tiffani: Gomez, Morticia, and little Wednesday.
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Caleb: Don't take it personally.
Tiffani: I am a person, how else am I supposed to take it.
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[as Marc leaves]
Sebastian: You know, kissing is so 1990s.
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Caleb Peterson: Do I look gay?
Kyle: Like an insatiable bottom.
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Marc: I almost made it with a British guy in a broom closet.
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Gwen: If you've never tricked with a chick, are you sure you pick dick?
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[after yet another boy she's dating confesses he's gay]
Gwen: I feel like a turnstile at the White Party!
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Caleb Peterson: I think you turned me gay.
Tiffani: I did not *turn* you gay! How can you say that?
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Joey: You're not being very positive about this?
Gwen: I couldn't be any more positive if I were gang raped in a repository bin at the needle exchange.
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[as she has sex with Caleb]
Gwen Anderson: Eat it, little gay boy!
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Marc: When he's around, my heart beats like a trailer park husband.
Gwen: That is so gay. And I mean all three definitions.
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Gwen Anderson: You didn't mention Tiffani.
Susan Petersoon: Tiffani was a bitch.
Jamie Peterson: I liked her.
Frank Peterson: She was cute.
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Caleb: Are you looking fo Mr. Right Now?
Kyle: Please. I'll settle Mr. Five Minutes Ago.
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Gwen: Put him on the phone, let me get the balls rolling.
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Jamie: You're a reality show without a camera crew.
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Tiffani: My titties didn't occur to you? Look at them! They occur to every man I meet!
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Caleb: I'm gonna circumcise your fucking neck!
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[Gwen tells Caleb's family that he's gay]
Jamie Peterson: Fag, you're it!
Tiffani: I turned him gay, but I can turn him back.
Jamie Peterson: No fag-backs.
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Gwen Anderson: Can you name any tracks off of Madonna's "Like a Prayer" album?
Joey: Um, "Express Yourself," "Cherish," "Oh Father..."
Gwen Anderson: "Vogue?"
Joey: No, honey, "Vogue" was on "Dick Tracy."
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Kyle: Men around here are like day old donuts, I mean I eat them because they're there, but I don't want to invest anything in them.
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Kyle: [to Caleb, picks up the caller-id device] It's for you Blow-me-o.
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Gwen: Who needs friends who won't fuck friends?
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