Movie  1988
 Earth Girls Are Easy      Back      Home
Valerie: [Franticly to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and they're here now but Ted's coming home tonight so we've got to cut their hair.
Candy: Just because they're aliens doesn't mean they can't be dates.
Candy: I see split ends are universal. Lost in space with no conditioner, eh?
[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]
Candy: 'Cause I'm a blonde! B-L-... I don't know!
[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]
Candy: I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, 'cause I love children.
Valerie: Mac, use your love touch on them. Then they'll come on to me, they'll be putty in my hands.
Mac: You want sex with Joe and Mike?
Valerie: As if things weren't bad enough, now I've been abducted by aliens.
Candy: Grab the bleach, she's seen the light!
Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?
Valerie: Eat me, I'm a cupcake!
Valerie: I didn't want you to think Earth girls were easy.
Mac: What is "easy"?
Valerie: [kissing him] This is "easy".
Woody: Waste your brain; wax your board; pray for waves.
[Ted sees a bowling ball embedded in his computer monitor]
Ted: But they said the Commodore would withstand anything!
Valerie: No, this is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway.
[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]
Candy: I took an IQ test and I flunked it, of course / I can't spell VW, but I got a Porsche.
Mac: Uh, Joe, take us to hospital, please.
[smiles]
Joe the Cop: Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!
Mac: [looks at Mike the cop, then at Valerie] We go to slammer first.
Woody: [on the phone to Valerie, as cops attack him] I gotta go, Val - I'm gettin' my butt kicked!
Candy: If you wanna be a femme fatale, you can't rest on your L'Or?als!
Candy: Have a mental margarita.
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This late-'80s comedy-musical from video director Julien Temple (Absolute Beginners) has an infectiously buoyant if dumb charm and plays like a cross between Little Shop of Horrors and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. If you loved either of those movies, you'll have a fondness for this one, otherwise you'll be irritated beyond belief. Geena Davis stars as a San Fernando Valley manicurist who finds herself in charge of three aliens after they crash-land their spaceship in her pool. With said transport broken down, Davis offers them head-to-toe makeovers (it's the least she can do), turns the fuzzy aliens into a trio of attractive guys, and lets them loose on the dating scene. She promptly falls in love with the leader (Davis's then-husband Jeff Goldblum); of course, it helps that her slimy fiancé (Charles Rocket) is cheating on her left and right. Aside from its sunny California charm, the only other thing this film has to offer is a bouncy musical score, in particular two show-stopping numbers performed by costar (and the film's cowriter) Julie Brown: "Brand New Girl," in which Davis gets the requisite makeover ("If you want to be a femme fatale / You can't rest on your L'Oreals!"), and the entirely irrelevant but absolutely hilarious cult hit "'Cause I'm a Blonde." Davis does her standard airhead thing (still a novelty in 1989) and Goldblum is a studly if silent lead. Make sure you pay close attention to Goldblum's alien sidekicks, two then-unknown actors named Jim Carrey and Damon Wayans, both of whom manage to steal scenes with surprisingly understated charm. --Mark Englehart