[after a man is decapitated]
Caligula: If only all of Rome had just one neck.
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Caligula: Let them hate me, so long as they fear me.
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Nerva: Tiberius, you were wise once.
Tiberius: Don't taunt me, I am old.
Nerva: I've watched you grow into a monster! One by one, I've seen you murder your family, your friends, the noblest men in Rome.
Caligula: That is Treason!
Nerva: No, it's the truth.
Tiberius: I am and always have been surrounded by enemies. In my own family, in the senate... You are cruel!
Nerva: Honest old men can sometimes see the future. So, from the evils past, and the evils yet to come, I now choose to escape.
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Caligula: I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Gaius Caligula, I am all men as I am no man and therefore I am a God.
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Tiberius: If someone else had become emperor, I would've been killed... As you will be!
[Tiberius quickly walks away as Caligula realizes]
Caligula: Will be?
[Caligula runs after Tiberius]
Caligula: Will be, Grandfather?
Tiberius: Would be, if you were not my heir.
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Tiberius: It is fate that rules us, little boots, not any god.
Caligula: You are a god.
Tiberius: No, I'm NOT. Not even when I'm dead.
Caligula: Julius Caesar and Augustus Caesar, they are gods.
Tiberius: So says the senate, and so the people prefer to believe. Such myths are useless.
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[Caligula is raping Livia]
Caligula: Open your EYES, Livia! Lucky girl... to lose one's virginity to a direct descendent of the goddess... I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the... Open your eyes, Proculus! Command in the name of the senate-OPEN THEM!-the senate, and the people of... Rome!
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[at an orgy]
Caligula: Longinus, you're not having any fun! Enjoy yourself! What is your preference?
Longinus: Everything and nothing Caesar.
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Macro: My wife lives only to the day she can see you again, Prince.
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Caligula: Caesar begged you.
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[seeing Nerva has cut his wrists]
Tiberius: Cretins... why did you permit him to do it?
[to two slaves looking on]
Tiberius: Bind his wrists... BIND HIS WRISTS!
[to Nerva]
Tiberius: You must not go, you must not leave me, you are my friend, my only friend.
Nerva: I've lived too long, Tiberius, I hate my life.
Tiberius: [to the two slaves] Leave us! Both of you!
Nerva: The man to choose the hour of his own death is the closest he will ever come to tricking fate. And fate decrees that when you die, Macro will kill me.
Tiberius: I'll arrest him, have him executed!
Nerva: You can't, he controls you. Anyway, even with Macro dead,
[looking at Caligula]
Nerva: how could I go on living with this... reptile?
Tiberius: [to Caligula] You will respect my friend always, won't you, reptile?
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[Caligula stands in front of a large pile of documents he's about to put his stamp on]
Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
[stamps document, servant removes it from the pile]
Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the... senate... and...
[browses through the large pile of documents]
Caligula: the people of Rome.
[Stamps document, servant removes it from pile]
Caligula: . I, Caligula Caesar,
[starts speaking faster]
Caligula: command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
[stamps]
Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
[stamps]
Caligula: [speaking much faster] I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
[speaking almost unintelligible, stamps between each repeat]
Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. Rome! Rome! Rome! Caesar! Caesar! Rome! Rome! Rubbish! Rubbish!
[calms down]
Caligula: I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.
[stamps, looks at servant]
Caligula: No wonder life's so dull!
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Chaerea: Give him enough rope...
Longinus: ...and perhaps, he'll hang us all.
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Macro: Forgive me, Prince. The emperor commands you to wait upon him.
Caligula: What does he want?
Macro: A last look at you, perhaps. He is seventy-seven.
Caligula: May he live forever.
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Tiberius: Do you think this boy has drunk enough wine?
Caligula: I think he's drunk enough, Lord.
Tiberius: So do I!
[stabs the drunk man with a sword]
Tiberius: Now he is happy.
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[Nerva is dying]
Caligula: Nerva, what's it like?
Nerva: Warm, no pain... just drifting away.
Caligula: Can you see her?
Nerva: Who?
Caligula: The goddess, Isis?
Nerva: So you're one of those who believe...
Caligula: Do you see her?
Nerva: No.
Caligula: Are you sure? You're almost dead! What's it like, what's happening to you now?
Nerva: Slowly... drifting...
Caligula: Liar... you can see her, I know you can! What is she like?
Nerva: No... Slowly...
Caligula: LIAR!
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[Caligula is sick with the fever]
Attendent: I offer my life if Jupiter will only spare our beloved Emperor!
Caligula: Jupiter accepts your offer.
[Caligula turns to his guards]
Caligula: Execute him.
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[Caligula's child - who he has just announced as his son - has been born]
Julia Drusilla: It's a girl.
Caligula: It is not a girl! Did you not hear Caesar say?
Julia Drusilla: I heard the voice of Caesar. But your daughter did not.
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Tiberius: Oh, yes, I am a true moralist, and stern as any Cato. Fate chose me to govern swine, in my old age, I have become a swineherd.
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Proculus: Divine Ceasar, PLEASE! What have I done? Why am I here?
Caligula: Treason!
Proculus: I have always been loyal to you!
Caligula: That IS your treason! You're an honest man, Proculus, which means a bad Roman! Therefore, you are a traitor! Logical, hmm?
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Tiberius: Do you prefer nymphs to satyrs?
Caligula: I like both, Lord.
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[Caligula is having a nightmare about Tiberius]
Tiberius: A brother kills a brother who's killed his father who's killed his son. Fate. And then someone will kill Caligula!
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Tiberius: Serve the state, Caligula, though the people in it are wicked beasts.
Caligula: But they love you, lord.
Tiberius: Oh, no... they FEAR me... and that is much better.
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Caligula: Jupiter loves ME!
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Tiberius: Do you think this boy has been drinking?
Caligula: I think he has, Caesar.
Tiberius: So do I. Macro? Bring him more wine!
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Caligula: I hear you have a taste for little boys. Is that not so?
Chaerea: No Caesar, big boys.
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Julia Drusilla: You are a fool.
Caligula: Caesar cannot be a fool!
Julia Drusilla: But he's trying very hard...
Caligula: Caesar cannot be a fool!
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