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Grandad Shannon: [into megaphone] THE HUMAN CONDITION!
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Roy O'Dell: Time for desperate measures. What about my daughter?
Jimmie: Absolutely not!
Roy O'Dell: Why not? She's not good enough for you?
Jimmie: She's fifteen!
Roy O'Dell: Well, it's pretty late in the game for you to be Mr. Choosy.
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[Before Jimmie asks his ex-girlfriend Buckley to marry him]
Marco: OK, crunch time. Seventh game of the World Series. Bottom of the ninth. Two outs. Full count. It's our last chance. There's no tomorrow. Got it?
Jimmie: Four cliches ago.
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Priest: It's a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you've gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.
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Grandad Shannon: As my last surviving descendant, you have a sacred duty to pass on my genetic material.
Jimmie: That's a lovely sentiment.
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Marco: [imitating Muhammad Ali while playing with a remote-controlled toy robot] C'mon, gorilla, we in Manila! C'mon, gorilla, this is the Thrilla!
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[after Jimmie is rejected by his ex-girlfriend Stacey]
Jimmie: She's engaged.
Marco: Engaged, or married? Because if she's only engaged...
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Daphne: [snarling at prisoner] I don't play "good cop, bad cop" - requires too much patience. I go straight to "bad cop, worse cop." Now behave!
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[Jimmie hears that his "shit or get off the pot" marriage proposal has become an urban legend]
Customer: My psychoanalyst couldn't stop talking about it. It's a bunch of crap if you ask me.
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Preppy Bride: Thank God I'm bisexual
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Marco: [to Jimmie] Your birthday is soon, right? Like next week?
Jimmie: No, it's not next week.
Marco: Thank God.
Jimmie: It's tomorrow.
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[while listening to love song from Titanic]
Natalie: What kind of dumb bitch lets Leonardo DiCaprio drown?
Anne: Nat, mind your own business
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[after Carolyn explains to Jimmie the symbolism between flowers and vaginas]
Jimmie: I'm not interested in your goddamn vagina, all right? I just want to marry you!
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Jimmie: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
Marco: You are sick!
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Amazon.com
The Bachelor got critically slammed when it played in theaters, probably because reviewers couldn't help comparing it with the movie on which it's based, the brilliant Buster Keaton comedy Seven Chances. But on its own terms, The Bachelor is a modest and enjoyable picture about Jimmie (Chris O'Donnell), a happily single young man who suddenly gets an ultimatum from his grandfather's will: marry by his 30th birthday or lose an inheritance of $100 million. This is revealed the day before that very birthday. Unfortunately, Jimmie had already proposed to his girlfriend Anne (Renee Zellweger) and been turned down; she can see in his eyes that he isn't ready to get married and refuses to accept him until he is. So Jimmie needs to find a bride--fast. Though the commitment-shy man is a hoary cliché, The Bachelor successfully exaggerates Jimmie's fears to comic proportions. O'Donnell is his usual affable self, but it's Zellweger who seizes every scene she's in and makes something really enjoyable out it. The movie's greatest weakness is that she's such a small part of the second half. Still, there's good supporting performances from Hal Holbrook, Ed Asner, James Cromwell, and Marley Shelton (as Zellweger's sister), and Peter Ustinov and Brooke Shields both have very funny scenes. The Bachelor skirts some dangerously chauvinistic territory at times, but by and large it's a pleasant comedy with some genuine good humor. --Bret Fetzer
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