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Robin: [seeing Dickie's new look] You look like Mt. Pepto Bismol erupted.
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Sly: You call those jumping jacks? More like jumping jerks.
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Lenny: [singing] One umbrella one, two umbrella two/ let's go up into the zoo/there you'll see a horse that's blue/a big old steed with one white shoe/a zebra and his stripes, playing bagpipes.
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Robin: We're late!
Lenny: Uhoh! They're late! They're late for a very important date! Your mom and dad are off to save the farm, hip hip hooray!
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Dickie and Lenny: [hypotized] The magnificent Sly and the Bobbins' babies have a vitally important errand at Babyco.
[blow raspberries]
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Carrie: Danger!
Dan: What?
Robin: What?
Carrie: Whit has a twin brother called Sly, he's the one that's been here the last two days.
Dan: What?
Robin: What "what"?
Carrie: Sly and Whit got switched at the mall, and Dr. Kinder kept Whit in her secret lab to experiment on.
Dan: Oh my God!
Robin: What?
Dan: She says Elana's got a secret lab, I don't believe this, Whit and Sly got switched at the mall!
Robin: What? Who's Sly?
Carrie: She's getting rid of the lab, and moving the babies to Liechtenstein.
Dan: Liechtenstein? Oh my God!
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Kids: [singing] I don't know but I've been told Eskimo girls are mighty cold, Dr. Kinder is a son-of-a-gun, got cooties and she weighs a ton. One, two, three, four, one, two, three-four!
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Robin: 911? You know that Babyco. building? There's a bomb in there! And we're going to blow those little suckers to Venus!
[hangs up]
Robin: You wanted cops, you got cops.
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Sly: They've got Whit.
Dan: Who's got Whit? Wait, you're Whit.
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Margo: Stick to your rapping Ice Shtick and leave the smart remarks to those with IQs over 40.
Dickie: It's not rap, it's mantras.
Margo: I was chanting mantras before you were born.
Dickie: [pause] You were chanting mantras before Buddha was born.
Margo: That's pretty good, Dickie, that's pretty good.
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Amazon.com
When babies babble or draw, adults jokingly say they know what the baby is trying to communicate. What if a clinic found that these babblings and doodles were actually very intelligent responses or scribbling of an ancient form of communication? Well, it seems that all it would create is this tepid comedy. Kathleen Turner runs the clinic that believes babies have "universal knowledge" before they learn to speak (and dumb down). What she plans to do with this knowledge is never really understood, but know this: the plans are evil. The secret lives of babies have been pretty adorably filmed previously with Look Who's Talking, but here the babies talk and move via visual effects like the animals in Babe. They also karate chop adults and talk about such adorable things as "diaper gravy." By the time the story (a variation of The Parent Trap) heats up (relatively speaking), there is not much left to engage us except some cute babies that just look odd as effects take over their mouths and movements. --Doug Thomas
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