The Toy Maker: What do you think of the wooden soldiers?
Santa Claus: They're nice but they're not what I ordered. I ordered 600 soldiers one foot high.
Stannie Dum: Oh I thought you said 100 soldiers six feet high.
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Ollie Dee: Goodbye Stannie.
Stannie Dum: Well aren't I going with you?
Ollie Dee: Why no. You've got to stay here with Barnaby. You're married to him.
Stannie Dum: I don't want to stay here with him.
Ollie Dee: Why not?
Stannie Dum: I don't love him.
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Ollie Dee: So far so good.
Stannie Dum: It wasn't so far. We just came across the street.
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[Barnaby disappears down well. Stannie and Ollie corner him]
Stannie Dum: You better come up dead or alive!
Ollie Dee: Now, how can he come up dead when he's alive?
Stannie Dum: Let's drop a rock on him. That'll make him dead when he's alive.
Ollie Dee: Now you're talkin' sense.
Stannie Dum: [into well] Look out!
Ollie Dee: *Don't* tell him to look out!
Stannie Dum: Well, it might'a hit 'im.
Ollie Dee: That's what we *want* it to do!
Stannie Dum: [into well] Did it hit ya?
Ollie Dee: Not a sound.
Stannie Dum: It musta got 'im.
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Ollie Dee: Why should you worry? You and he are just like THAT.
Stannie Dum: But that was before we were married.
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Old King Cole: I'm offering a 50,000 guineas reward for Barnaby's apprehension, dead or alive.
Stannie Dum: Can't you make up your mind how you want him?
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Stannie Dum: Her talking to Barnaby is a matter of pouring one ear into the other. Can't be done.
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[Stannie nibbles on pig sausage evidence]
Stannie Dum: It doesn't taste like pig sausage to me, it tastes like pork.
Ollie Dee: [Taking bite] Why this isn't pig nor pork. It's beef. I smell a rat.
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Barnaby: Big bait catches big rat!
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Ollie Dee: Stannie's so upset he isn't even going to the wedding. You're upset aren't you Stannie?
Stannie Dum: Upset? I'm housebroken!
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Stannie Dum: I've got a Christmas present for you.
Barnaby: A Christmas gift in the middle of July?
Stannie Dum: Well we always do our Christmas shopping early.
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